lifewithSaRii

funny how i thought i had a bff and close friends.. i might b wrong.. funny how im always there available for my “friends” 24/7 but when i need them where are they?.. i havent heard from any of them.. i always keep it to myself keep it in never let anything out, the day i do theres no one there to listen.. y do i have to write it down to let everything out it makes me sad to knw i have no one to talk to when i need them. there is just too much to talk about.. the boy i like… the thoughts in my head, the crazy shit that has been building up inside.. this is when the real me comes out once in a life time but theres no one around.. nimodo la vida sigue y yo aqui estare en el mismo lugar pensando en lo mismo… you leaving soon if not soon it seems too soon to me, never gave me a chance but its ok i want u to b happy even if im not because that just who i am.. thinking of others and leave me at the end.. the real me is so much different than what everyone else knows no one has seen this side.. only me i dont want anyone to feel bad or sorry but im telling u now i need to speak to someone about it because im about to break i need this out of me now i cant b holding it in for so long and i know tomorrow ill pretend everything is ok when it really isnt and ill just go back to my other self pretending i have no care or worries in the world nothin phases me nothing bothers me im fine with everything and im good with the boy i like not feeling anything for me thats fine y? because i dont want anyone feeling sorry for me.. i dont like anyone see me cry i almost did today i had a few tears in my eyes but just like that my cold heartedness came out and i stopped to joke around and hey!!! im happy again to everyone… mayra thanx for making me feel like i can do this but we both knw its not easy and im not easy to express emotions :/ … jose bro u say ill b ok and i knw ill b ok but till when? u almost saw me cry today i almost showed weakness inf ront of u but i dont want u to see me that way„ thats jusr not who i am when im with u.. but i knw ur probably the onlyone i can talk to about some of my problems because i cant even talk about it with my best friend..  im just so fucked in the head i guess like the song said “Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts. And we’ve got to find other ways to make it alone. Or keep a straight face. And I’ve always lived like this keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now I’ve sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness.”

about to be 6 years in febuary 11 u left us early, it shudnt have been ur time and God decided to take u from us just like that without a goodbye without any last words to say, too young to go you had so much going on in ur life y does he take the people that are good? that have their whole life left ahead of them? still doesnt seem right to me… i ddint think it would hurt this much since i barely knew you and look at how much that one night impacted us, changed us all drastically. i think about that night everyday it as if it were yesterday i know i didnt go c u this year its not because i didnt want to, i dont know why i didnt go to be honest. and i hate myself for not going but dont think that i have forgotten u because u know its not something to forget easily infact i know i wont ever forget that day that night. just know that we dont blame u. i blame myself everyday for going. if i didnt go visit that day u wud still b here. Adrian i miss u and i always will those memories will always stay with me forever in my heart. i will c u one day ONE LOVE- Miss u so bad dude just know i will never ever forget u <3